ALRIGHT, I am more that happy to announce that things are actually fucking perfect right now. Let me elaborate.
First, work is pretty tight. I’ve got two new print features with a by-line for the August issue coming up. So that’s pretty steeze. And also.. I get paid to do some pretty sweet stuff.
Second, my best friend is back in the most amazing country EVER (usa,usa) BUT now shes like 4732098740932 lightyears away which is complete horsepoop. At least she’s not as far, so that makes me feel better.
Three, AS OF TOMORROW there is officially one month left of school and I’m so into it. Training is pretty boss, and I’ve been erging for the past 2 weeks at least 3 times a week and its really helping.
Four, confidence is coming back. And im not getting so worried about the things that don’t matter. I think the depo shot is wearing off.. and it took my emotions through a bit of a loop.
Five, today we are exchanging everything. After seeing peter the past couple days, hours on the phone, its definitely helping.
Lets get into that point further.
Okay, so.. D wants to be friends. And I understand his point and all. But I really don’t want to be. Like to break my heart, tell me that you just woke up one day and realized you didn’t love me, and then you want to like.. snapchat me all the time? Uhm, no. Sorry buddy that is not really how is works or what I consider being friends is. Friends talk about things, and they hangout, which for the last two months you have wanted to do neither. I think it is pretty safe to say that he pretty much lost any chance of getting me back and im seriously over him. I just know that I know he is going through a really hard time, but NONE of that whole graduation shit.. is my fault. It is NOT my fault that I got an internship and a second great job and you didn’t. It is not my fault that we broke up. Assuimg that you could just dick around and play call of duty thinking that I was just going to wait aimlessly around for you was stupid. I get lonely, and I’m a 20 year old girl that likes kisses, amoung other things.. so yeah that wasn’t happening. Also, P is effing awesome. SO smart, SO chill, SO tall (im comfortable with the height), and he has SO much drive and ambition. And he doesn’t have a nicer body than me so I can live with that. The only thing that really sucks about that is I still have to go back to school for another year and he stays in PK to finish his contracted internship and then he goes back to RIT. He also wants his next contract to be closer to his HOME in Cali. We have talked about this and realize that the timing is just really off, but we’re not going to put labels on anything and it just is what it is. Which I can deal with. P is really helping get over ish with D and im really into it. Like.. P is so effing smart that he got into the most prestigious microelectronics engineering program in Europe and the only reason why he didn’t go was because he couldn’t afford it. Like do you understand how amazingly smart he is. But what is also amazing, is that he actually listens to me. That when he talks to me about things he knows I don’t know or have prior knowledge about, he doesn’t talk to me like I’m an idiot. Which is amazing. I really need to tell Trevor about him. He’s going to be really happy for me. I’m really happy for me. For the first time in MONTHS, I’m making a decision that isn’t about other people, I made a decision for me.
I don’t know what number we’re on and I don’t feel like scrolling so HERE, Senior year is going to be OFF the EFFING CHAIN. I’m so excited. These 7-8 girls that I’ve grown to call my sisters for the last 3 years has really been something else. I really miss them all and I can’t wait to be reunited with all of them and bring on some pretty cool new kids. This year is gonna be so tight.
So many things to be excited about and look forward to and I finally think that things are really turning into something better. I went through a pretty serious rough patch, but I think I found my way again.
“Drunk text me. Text me when the music is loud and there are girls dancing around you and you’re not quite coherent and you’re not quite yourself. Drunk text me that you love me or that you miss me or that I’m on your mind. Let the alcohol tell me all the things you won’t say sober.”—(via laurenrosenicole)